CONSENT
by DAISY THOMAS
Have you ever been speaking with someone when they suddenly drop to a whisper, as they dare utter the word “sex” or any variant thereof? For many people, it is still taboo to speak about sex or sexuality openly, although media would have you believe otherwise -- such conversations remain intimate, only to be spoken with few. For others, speaking about sex and sexuality is as expansive and colorful as Dead Horse Point. But normalizing sexual vernacular helps remove the stigma and shame of our Puritanical roots.
Learning the correct words, their definitions and usages/functions help better prepare ourselves and our children for social life. Understanding one’s body and self is a lifelong process, but having the vocabulary and verbiage to express ourselves and our sexuality through its stages and evolutions only better prepares us to care for such a gift.
Sexuality is more than the erotic and physical. It encompasses the mental, the biologic, the emotional, the social, even the spiritual. To withhold age-appropriate teachings can leave people confused, socially stunted, repressed, negative, and/or a general feeling something is missing, or something is wrong with them if they don’t know the vocabulary that defines human sexuality.
A preschooler who knows her body parts can tell her pediatrician if something doesn’t feel right.
A child who knows what personal boundaries are can tell authorities if someone has crossed theirs.
A tween who has the vocabulary can speak with their trusted caregivers about what makes them uncomfortable now that they’re getting older.
A teen who has the vocabulary can begin to understand the responsibility of adult sexuality.
An adult who has the vocabulary can finally express her sexuality however best for her, should she choose to do so.
Of course our conversations are different depending upon whom we are interacting with. Sharing great resources enriches our ability to thrive, and when it comes to learning, we always want to share our knowledge. One of the best books that explains consent in a non-sexual, very easy to understand way is Consent (For Kids!): Boundaries, Respect, and Being in Charge of You by Rachel Brian. Although it’s geared towards children, if you are at all unsure about what consent is, this book should help. It’s funny, too.
LIVLYHOOD
JOIN THE CONVERSATION WITH WOMEN WHO WORK
Speaking with children about anything will have a different tone than speaking to one’s parents, collaborators, supervisors, or workmates. Even the informal ease with those whom one can speak freely with would be about the same topic as any of the others and will more than likely be completely different in style, inflection, word choice. But we’re still able to communicate. Let’s give one another the space and opportunity to learn and grow.