The Six P’s of Sex Ed
Teaching my four children about sex happened over time, through many varied conversations. I honed my lessons and as they were becoming adults I included the six P’s of sexual education.
I talked to them about needing, asking for, and granting permission.
We discussed protection in all its forms, including what we are protecting against.
There were conversations about avoiding patterns, and seeking variety in their healthy sexual lives. (Note: if your sexual patterns run too deep, it limits future sexual connections.)
We talked about pornography and the difference between healthy and unhealthy viewing.
We covered pleasure and how it needs to flow both ways, always. My friend, who has raised ten sons, really emphasizes this point, saying “Your female partners are going to be more excited about sex with you, if they know it is fun for them and not just work.”
And I always include the concept that in a healthy sexual relationship all participants should feel powerful.
Power can manifest itself in widely varied ways in sexual relationships. When one person holds more control than the other person or people involved, power slides out of balance; this imbalance will show itself in unhealthy actions.
Power over exploration is an important part of a sexual life (see the note about patterns above). Being able to challenge childhood teachings, broaden sexual pleasure options, and investigate ideas and experiences in a safe, non-judgmental space is a way to build power in your sexual life. Having a partner who is willing to explore with you, can give you both referent power.
Referent power is used to make connections with others. When we are driven to fulfill people rather than disappoint them, we tap into referent power. This power stems from kindness, love, respect, attraction, tenderness, devotion, loyalty, and attachment.
As my children have grown into strong, healthy adults, conversations about sex continue. We continue to talk about the six P’s of sexual education, as always, in age appropriate ways. These conversations are deeper and more thoughtful as they enter and exit relationships and gain other life experiences.
I can already see each one of my adult children has a healthier view of sex than I had with the dogma I brought into my marriage.
And this is exactly what I want for my children: for them to be better, healthier, and stronger than me.
