On the Basis of Sex: Utah’s Pervasive Sexual Harassment Culture
Rarely a week passes by without Utah facing some sort of national recognition for a spectrum of sexually-centric stories, many of which involve(d) sexual harassment scandals. Decades of past made light of sexual harassment. Beginning in the 1950’s, the time period that really unified the majority of the country via that wonderful invention called television, imagery of domestication and sexuality became the default norm.
From Ralph Kramden’s threats of physical abuse and acts of economic abuse, to Ricky Ricardo putting Lucy over his knee to give her a spanking for being bad (and not in the way some of y’all may be thinking), the mid-century live and continued generational audience laughed along. There is no dispute that the media influences society as society influences the media. The mass communication reflections of humanity led to cultural shifts of tolerance / acceptance by a wider assortment of acceptable and visible human interactions, by a wider assortment of viewers.
But when it comes to sex there is a moving line of what is tolerable and acceptable for everyone. While Late Night entertainment continues to poke and tease at sexual harassment, long gone are the days of Benny Hill’s applauded perversions. Except the biggest shift in mass communication is one that exists without cohesion. The rise in apps like Instagram and Tik-Tok, has led to an increased public display of sexuality and websites like OnlyFans have, inadvertently or not, created a rising culture without context, or seemingly guidance.
While sexual harassment is no laughing matter, it is one that begs the question of why is it so pervasive in Utah? Is it just more headline worthy due to Utah’s conservative, religious reputation, backed up through the unyielding cultural influence The Church of Latter-Day Saints has on Utahns? Or is it something else?
For most, sexual harassment is (obviously) wrong and at least in the workplace, illegal, it is not against the law. Even Utah’s Bureau of Labor Statistics, as well as the oft cited Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 (“Title VII”) limits the Federal illegality of sexual harassment to your employment (provided they have more than 15 employees,) public/higher education, or other such publicly funded (and therefore accountable) institutions.
However, in most workplace situations, the onus is generally on the employee to have first stopped the engagement and/or complain(ed) at the time, creating a hindsight timeline of varying memories. Organizations are responsible for having appropriate and clear policies and procedures in place, and depending upon the severity of the incident, legal authorities should be involved. So what consequences are there for all other locations and situations of life?
Not much.
At the very bare basics, there is a cognizant divide in what constitutes sexual harassment. How many times have we heard the ultimate brush-up retort, “Why would anyone sexually harass her?” Culturally, the prevailing thought, at least amongst heteronormative men, the largest noted purveyors of such acts, seems to be that sexual harassment equates to sexual rejection, although such harassers are hardly relegated to simply being men.
To many such folk, one can only sexually act in any capacity towards someone they are sexually attracted to. In that limited view, if one is not sexually attracted how could they sexually harass anyone?
Easy. And therein lies the problem.
For victims of sexual harassment, the spectrum of issues is just that: a spectrum. Without a shared language, defining the words that we use to coexist as a society, the communication breakdown is swift. Per the Rape and Incest National Network, (RAINN), Sexual harassment can occur in a variety of circumstances. The harasser can identify with any gender and have any relationship to the victim, including being a direct manager, indirect supervisor, coworker, teacher, peer, or colleague.
Some forms of sexual harassment include:
Making conditions of employment or advancement dependent on sexual favors, either explicitly or implicitly.
Physical acts of sexual assault.
Requests for sexual favors.
Verbal harassment of a sexual nature, including jokes referring to sexual acts or sexual orientation.
Unwanted touching or physical contact.
Unwelcome sexual advances.
Discussing sexual relations/stories/fantasies at work, school, or in other inappropriate places.
Feeling pressured to engage with someone sexually.
Exposing oneself or performing sexual acts on oneself.
Unwanted sexually explicit photos, emails, or text messages.
The RAINN list is a fairly comprehensive list of which acts constitute sexual harassment. Having a baseline of shared understanding is the unspoken rule of engagement. If we are not on the same page, how are we to have any cohesive discussion unless we are acknowledging the humanity of those we engage with?
But this is a difficult discussion to have in Utah. The Church of Latter-Day Saints, like the majority of Western Abrahamic-based religions, is a patriarchal society. Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, right? In societies of male dominance from the earliest of times, it was the larger, more aggressive human that protected its family.
When the default worldview is one of dominance it is called Androcentrism, different from the popularly memed “patriarchy” punch that we have to laugh-cry at someday. In the dartboard of life in the androcentric world view, the male viewpoint is the bullseye, and whether or not the score has included the points on the rest of the board depends solely on the androcentric in charge.
It goes without saying that those in dominated positions are better at raising issues they experience, but raising some such issues can at times deeply affect one’s safety and survival. Communicating clearly and honestly takes mutual respect, which in issues of harassment and in nearly all male-dominated relationships is sorely lacking.
This is the result of the power imbalance. When one has been or is being physically or sexually harassed, the flight, fight, freeze, or fawn base reaction kicks in and the post-would’ves, could’ves, should’ves marquis through one’s mind as they grapple with their personal ordeal. In traditional Judaism, men are the public face of their families, while women generally run the home inside their families. In traditional Christianity and Islam, women are equal to men, but men are the head of the household, taking the role of stand-in for G-d to lead his family to salvation.
Such lifestyles enrage many in modernity, but willingly adopting a submissive role within one’s own family boundaries is different than accepting dominance in publicly shared spaces. Owning one’s role as dutiful wife and mother is not a bad thing, especially when her husband is a godly man, and issues of power imbalance can be an incredibly difficult conversation to broach from an outsider perspective, whether you share their faith or not.
Abuse is a blight on humanity, but it is always happening. Sexual Harassment should not be tolerated, but continues to be brushed aside. Dismissing the role of Western Abrahamic-based religions influence on biblical /mis/interpretations and the resulting culture of women accepting generally poor treatment is keeping blinders on when we need everyone to clearly see our shared problems so we can come up with shared solutions. We may not have the same total vision, but we all want to live our lives being valued. That requires respect.
One should be able to breastfeed in public without being called vicious names or treated rudely. One should be able to go to interviews without an expectation of romance or back seat blow-jobs. One should be able to take the train without some asshole taking upskirt photos as one stands amongst the crowd. All acts that are legally recognized in victim protection because one should be able to go about life, free of harassment.
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, and preventing sexual harassment before it happens includes having that shared definition of what harassment is and the acceptable boundaries of that situation.
If someone is crossing boundaries, but was never informed of where the boundaries lay or if/that the boundaries have shifted -- which they definitely have in the modern era -- they may have a responsibility to learn and grow once they are. But in these male-dominated cultures and societies, accepting advice on being better men -- especially when that advice is coming from those they are “in charge of” -- is an act of humility that many humans lack, especially when admitting fault is often admitting sin.
I believe in such societies, men have a duty to their communities to end rape culture, of which sexual harassment falls. But who wants that kind of responsibility? Not many. I know. I traveled Utah asking/begging stand-up men to do just that -- stand-up and be the guy in the locker-room who shuts down the denigration of others, which requires courage and most seem to reserve their courageousness, just in case something more important comes along.
Leaders in their communities, people who you know are decent and kind but stay silent in the face of conflict are betraying themselves and their community. And most know it; many worry about even broaching the topic of sexual harassment, unsure of who may take offense and what, which may change depending on one’s mood or situation, the tone of voice, a look, because they are as guilty as the rest of us for ignorantly, unintentionally or not, crossing that line.
The struggle between having a growth-mindset amidst traditions with clearly defined ideas is one many tire of and ultimately give in, accepting that every so often shit happens and no one’s coming to fix it for you.
And as unfair as it may seem or be, when/if someone crosses our own boundaries, we have a personal responsibility to ourselves, others, and to the accused to immediately (or as soon as possible) address the issues. Ignorance may be bliss for some, but keeps people from making truly informed decisions. Honest, clear communication is not easy. It can be painful, but unbearably necessary.
As is grace and forgiveness.