Normalizing Conversations about Sex
by CHARLOTTE MALONEY
Bringing the topic of sex and sexual health out of the shadows and into mainstream can help reduce sexual assault, improve the health of our community and better our interpersonal relationships.
Sex is taboo. Don’t talk about sex. Don’t think about sex. Don’t have sex.
These are lessons society teaches us, and women in particular. The day you are married, however, the question starts - when are you going to have babies? People are expected to go from “never have sex” to “have it often” overnight. There must be a better way to discuss sex with our kids, within our families, and within our communities.
Fear is the main reasons most hesitate to speak freely about the topic with their children. Fear that our children will have sex too young. Fear that they will have sex too often. Fear that people will have sex outside of our own personal moral compass. There is fear of unplanned pregnancy or of acquiring sexually transmitted diseases. Speaking more freely about sex and sexual autonomy, however, can help parents guide their children more clearly, increase knowledge regarding disease and pregnancy prevention, and give people information to help make safer individual sex choices. The United States has the highest rate of sexually transmitted diseases and one of the highest rates of teen pregnancy among developed countries. In contrast, the Netherlands, where discussion about sex is more open and sex education begins early and includes the topic of consent, teen pregnancy rates are four times lower compared to the US.
In Utah schools, parents have to give written permission for their children to attend the optional sex education classes. Fortunately, Utah schools are required to teach medically accurate sex education curriculum and legislation passed in 2019 clarified that the important piece of contraception and birth control measures could be taught. Prior to this, the law stated that contraception could be taught, but not advocated, leading some schools to leave out the information altogether. Local school boards set the curriculum and this legislation makes it easier for them to choose to include birth control instruction while complying with Utah law.
This year lawmakers failed to pass Representative Carol Spackman Moss’s proposed legislation, requiring consent be taught as part of the curriculum. Teaching consent is an important part of sexual education for everyone - not just students. Learning about sexual consent is also about learning open and improved communication, understanding and respecting personal boundaries and the boundaries of others.
Rape and sexual assualt is incredibly under-reported in Utah. In 2016, it was estimated that only 23.2% of assaults were reported to the police. The majority of rape victims (87.8%) in Utah knew their attacker. In 2018, just 25% of sexual assaults in the United States were reported to the police. In contrast, after Sweden changed the definition of rape to be sex without consent, conviction rates increased 75%. Some victims of sexual assault do not fight back out of fear, adding to the feeling of self blame and reluctance to report. As a society, we can encourage reporting by age appropriate education, which includes consent.
Although not every sexually-liberated country may be doing it right, looking at what works can only benefit us as individuals, as partners, as parents, and as a society. Utah will do better by normalizing the conversations around sex and sex ed. This will lead to more empowered people with the language to set boundaries, call out assaults, and improve relationships.