Hallucinogens: A Story On Consent
Written by: SAVANNAH BLAKE
In the late summer of 2011 I was starting my senior year. I had just turned 18 and considered myself to be experienced and knowledgeable. I’d been smoking marijuana on and off since the age of 14, so when my friend Miranda asked if I wanted to smoke after school before heading to the homecoming game, I accepted the offer.
From her house we walked to the edge of the newly developed neighborhood she lived in. We perched ourselves amongst a grove of trees in front of the last house on the block. Miranda then pulled out the pipe, loaded it, and watched as she encouraged me to take two long hits. Immediately a hazy vail came down on my world. When I started laughing uncontrollably, Miranda tried to control me. “You have to be quiet!” She would shout between her teeth. We were in front of a strangers house after all, smoking what I thought was weed. If we got caught we’d both be in a world of trouble.
As we sat in the trees stifling our laughs, two missionaries walked passed us and up the walkway to our left to knock on the door. I could hear their footsteps as though they were in heals striding across a wooden floor. But when they were directly to our left walking up the steps, they stopped, stepping in place over and over. An overwhelming sense of dread came over me. No longer happy, no longer having fun. I asked Miranda how long the feeling would last and she laughed at me. Determined to survive, I made myself believe I was in a movie, I just had to play it through.
What followed was a series of dancing skulls, balloon hands, Lego people and a whole lot of paranoia. It wasn’t until four years later when I was relaying my bizarre story to some friends that we realized what Miranda had given me wasn’t weed or Spice, it was Salvia. I went home and furiously researched for hours. From the flipbook to leaving my body, it was all there. I was shocked, my friend had drugged me without my knowledge.
It was not long after this experience that I began having panic attacks on a regular basis. I was severely depressed and spent the better part of a year depersonalized. Once I learned what Salvia was and could wholly relate to the experience, I couldn’t help but wonder if the dark days that followed were in part due to the drug. It is disheartening to think that there are many personal trials that I may have avoided had my friend asked me for consent. I could have said no, I could have intentionally prepared. But those choices were taken away from me and what followed were years of mental distress.
Psychedelics are inherently a journey of freedom and autonomy. Each of us deserves to decide if and how we want to alter our consciousness. Bodily autonomy is not only the choice of who can touch a person or interact with their body, but also pertains to the control over what they put in their body as well. Consent helps us respect another persons agency, and to give others the opportunity to decide for themselves what is best for them. If psychedelics are about embracing oneness, consent is a way for us to act as such.
As members of this community we all have a responsibility to advocate for our desires and to create safe spaces and opportunities for others to do the same.
