Creating and Enforcing Professional Boundaries
Creating boundaries; it’s something we hear a lot about, but the why and the how are often not explained. There’s a reason this is a difficult topic to discuss. Boundaries are not the same for everyone and can often create conflict. But I’ve learned from my years of executive management experience that professional boundaries are extremely important to determine and enforce, especially when it comes to consent. We cannot always control how we are treated, but we can make it very clear how we expect to be treated in the workplace. And every time we stand up for ourselves, we’re standing up and speaking out on behalf of all women.
Below I’ve outlined some ideas to help create professional boundaries that are meaningful to you in your career.
Determine what is non negotiable
I started out my career on Capitol Hill, a workplace notorious for having no boundaries either professionally and personally. Hill staffers are known for being young, inexperienced, working 80+ hour weeks, having blurred lines between their personal and professional relationships with their coworkers and yes, a lot of what happens in the shows Scandal, Veep, House of Cards etc. is based on reality. Knowing this, I determined for myself what rules I was going to create and follow as a young congressional staffer. For example, I decided I would never go into a hotel room with the congressman I worked for or our Chief of Staff. While I was fine with being around alcohol even though I don’t drink, I didn’t want to be known as the designated driver for our team. I wanted to maintain a level of professionalism that didn’t blur into the personal.
Some may say this was an extreme view of boundaries, but it protected me countless times. I hope to live in a world someday where these things are not necessary to even think through, let alone express, but I was often saved by the boundaries I created. When a tweet or a photo could destroy my reputation, I wanted to make sure my work always spoke for itself. I never wanted to put myself in a compromising position.
Your career may not be as public-facing, but consider what is most important to you. What are you comfortable with at work? What personal topics do you want to avoid with your coworkers? It is up to you how you live your life at work, so determine what is most important.
Communicate your boundaries in a clear and concise way
The beauty of boundaries is that they are personal and everyone has different priorities. You can assume and expect to be safe and not to be violated at work, but some boundaries are much more nuanced and you’ll have to speak up about how you expect others to treat you. I’ve had employees who refused to allow me or their coworkers to follow them on social media, for example, and I always respected that boundary. I’ve had coworkers who don’t like to discuss their spouse or dating life. I’ve had other professionals I work with be really smart about their availability and their boundaries around communication.
Simply expressing your boundaries to your supervisor or coworkers is a great way to make sure you’re all on the same page. If you need to involve HR, make sure to document those conversations and ensure that you are also respecting the boundaries of others. At the end of the day, your coworkers and supervisors are just that, and when the lines get blurry and too friendly, it often comes at a price. By communicating what’s most important to you and making those around you aware, you can focus on the work itself.
Maintain your boundaries and speak up
Long before I traveled with my boss, I let him know I would never be in a room alone with him. As a father, grandfather, and honestly, a really good man, I think he was a bit taken back, but I let him know it was really important to maintain our professional relationship and this was one way I could do that. He respected this boundary and it was surprising how helpful drawing that line was. A few months later we were traveling together and he wanted to go over a speech I’d written and asked that we meet in his hotel room. I reminded him of our previous conversation, he apologized, smiled and then said he’d meet me in the lobby. It meant a lot to me that he said he was sorry and didn’t make a big deal out of it, but I had to remind him. You may have to do the same with your boss or coworkers.
You can decide for yourself what type of professional you want to be, and creating solid boundaries is a great start. It’s also never too late to decide what you consent to at work and how you want to be treated. If you have questions about what kind of boundaries are appropriate, consider discussing this topic with a coworker you respect and trust. The more open we all are about this topic, the less taboo it is and the more comfortable and safe everyone will be in the workplace.