Let's Keep Talking
We have been talking about child brides at the Bee over the past few weeks. The conversations are interesting. Some people are sad. Others feel overwhelmed. Some people dismiss the practice as if it is something isolated to the past, or something that no longer impacts our communities. Others dismiss it as if it is isolated to “other” communities. This kind of thinking can halt the conversations we should be having. I like taking a topic head on.
We’re Utahns. Let’s talk about this problem and work toward solutions. These conversations could promote a healthier community.
On a personal note, I was married at age 19. YOUNG. At the time, marriage gave me more options than staying single and under the responsibility of my parents. I was lucky. I had ambition to finish my degree. I chose a husband who never bought into the patriarchy and was not challenged by my talents. I finished having children before I turned 30-years-old, which has given me a chapter, after child-rearing, to pursue new projects and rebuild my career. Would I have been better off if marriage wasn’t on the table for me at such a young age? Debatable.
I am amazed at how many of the themes found in the pieces about historical pedogomy are relevant today. So many. These themes foster countless questions. I've listed out a few. I don’t have answers to most of these, but, as Utahns, we should keep talking. We can work together to question the status quo and decide where we want to be as a healthy, stronger community.
Below are some questions I’d love your thoughts on. What questions have sparked for you around this topic?
Does a cultural focus on marriage encourage young brides? If so, should we be challenging the cultural focus on marriage?
Should anyone be allowed to marry before age 18? Are there circumstances that would warrant a child bride in this modern day?
Should we challenge the cultural concept of bringing babies to a marriage right away? Especially if that is prioritized over either partner in the marriage forgoing a degree?
If, as a culture, we are encouraging young brides, should we also set up a cultural support to help women get their education later in life?
Is bullying, fear, or shame ever a healthy form of persuasion?
Should a person’s advancement (in this life or another) be based on that person’s behavior, talents, and work? Should it ever be tied to who he/she might be connected to by marriage or by blood?
Isn’t it healthy to question authority?
Shouldn’t we teach our children to speak up when they are scared or unsure?
Does understanding the norms of the nation, the world, and other committees outside of our own allow us to find best practices?
Under what circumstances should a child be separated from a mother? Is it enough that she has changed her beliefs?
Why did people let abusers with ecclesiastical power get away with it? Are we doing that now?
Are women still paying emotional prices to keep up cultural norms?
Is it ok for an adult to have a one-on-one sexual experience with an underage person? Does that count conversations about sex?
It appears cultural grooming was a thing in past Utah culture. Is it still a thing?
Can a familial script and roles be challenged without losing family ties?