Understanding Your Sexual Self
Understanding and having satisfying sex starts at the heart of your own sexuality. The more you understand who you are sexually and how you operate; the better sex is going to be for you and your partner. Knowing your sexual self is a true way to safeguard your sexual experiences. This knowledge gives you the power to co-navigate the bedroom and gives you the ability to say when you are ready for more exploration, exactly when you are ready.
Sex Culture in Utah
Most Utah woman have been taught that there is a very specific way to have sex. Common examples are that masturbation is a sin, oral sex is a sin, being on top is inappropriate, pleasure is wrong, sexuality is unmoral, and the list goes on. Many Utah adolescents are also taught that they need to repent for masturbating, are shamed for it, and are encouraged to “resist the temptation.” Mormon girls are also required to sit down with their bishop to talk about their chastity. Generally speaking, this conversation can be traumatic and an entirely uncalled for experience.
Sex messages in media
In addition to cultural teachings, women are taught through the media what’s hot and what’s not. We are taught that being sexually attractive is wearing heels, looking and speaking a certain way, and that our sex appeal only lasts until a certain age. Unfortunately, women have never controlled their on-screen image. With very little sex education available, some may not be learning about sex at all, or as an alternative, many people turn to pornography as a means to learn about sex. While there can be healthy and unhealthy viewing of porn (a big topic for another day) porn is definitely not a good educator for sex. Porn is not like the real deal -- especially for women. Porn does not actually teach someone how to arouse and pleasure a woman’s body, honoring her unique needs. Porn is for profitable entertainment. Simple as that.
Good Sex Matters
Even though cultural and media messages are deeply rooted, this programming can be updated. Perspectives can be shifted from sex is something that is done, or that sex is sinful, to sex being something that is empowering and pleasurable. Enjoying sex is difficult when those mainstream messages creep in! However, amazing sex matters and it’s important to give yourself permission to embrace your own unique sexuality. Learning about sex through timeless literature, a well-versed sex therapist, engaging podcasts, and even renowned workshops is the absolute best way to learn about sex. Why Good Sex Matters by Dr. Nan Wise helps individuals to understand the neuroscience of pleasure for a “smarter, happier, and more purpose-filled life.” After reading the book, consider booking a consultation with her. Having someone guide you out of lifelong conditioning is key to claiming your sexual power and safeguarding your sexuality, which was addressed further here.
In Utah, sex education has been predominantly taught and controlled from the patriarchy and the media. Guess what, though? Sex can be re-learned, good sex can be discovered, and there are many resources out there that can show you a new trick or two. Carve out your own sexual path. You are the only proprietor over your sexuality. Ecstasy is the source of all existence and a woman’s right to experience. As eugenecist and plant medicine pioneer Havelock Ellis so aptly said, “Sex lies at the root of life, and we can never learn to reverence life until we know how to understand sex.”
