Medicine Without Integration is Meaningless
*This article was originally posted Aug 2022. It is reposted here for educational purposes.
by SAM BENNION
We all know by now when we are in a relationship with someone – be it platonic, romantic, familial, etc - words without matching actions equals hollow connection.
Apologies without acknowledgment of harmful behaviors or attempts at making amends are balderdash.
The phrase “I’m sorry” without visible changed behavior following leads us to nothing but a massive, steaming pile of dung from which we need to dig any semblance of hope we had in the future of that relationship.
There seems to be something similar in the spirituality/plant medicine community where buzz words and phrases are tossed about and, wow, do they all sound pretty.
Sometimes these words and phrases are escaping the mouths of those who, while they may be somewhat prominent in these communities, might not actually be *living* by these words.
Phrases like “shadow work” and “integration” are being spoken by some who continually and habitually abuse the people closest to them with repeated apologies and deflections with no actual accountability for their actions.
As we align ourselves with people in this community, we should be mindful of how those who profess to be someone who has “done the work” (yet another popular and ubiquitous phrase) are living their lives and how they’re actually treating people in their day to day.
Are they speaking up and correcting it when they make a mistake, however small it may have been perceived? Are they deflecting their harmful behaviors onto someone or something else? Are they justifying or excusing their behaviors, saying they’re dealing with trauma (hey man, I get it. Me too. We don’t get a free pass for assholery, though, right)?
Speaking as an incredibly imperfect human myself, I know the wounds of guilt and shame. I know the burden of coming out of abusive relationships. I know the fear of looking at the harm we’ve caused others.
I also know the humility of truly coming to terms with the damage I’ve done. Validating others’ experiences as best I could and holding space for them to feel whatever anger, sadness, betrayal, etc they need to feel or express.
I know the awful feeling of naming the things you did in the way the other person needs you to name them in order for them to know you realize the gravity of what you’ve done. I know minimizing and invalidating language or dismissals have no place in those spaces if one is truly trying to do their absolute best to make it up to the person they hurt.
True integration should include actions aligned with words and behaviors aligned with morals people claim to abide by.
Just a reminder that anything less is worthless. If you discover any person wielding the title of leader in this community who isn’t meeting that standard, it’s probably a red flag and it may be time to find somebody new with whom to sit.