The Importance of Bodily Autonomy
Having power in your sex life means having autonomy over your body, at a minimum, and exploring unconventional ideas on the outset. Being able to say no is vital to having power in sexual relationships. A minor being sexually abused often does not know she has the right to say “no.” A rape victim may scream “no!” — only to have the rapist ignore her pleas. An adult, who has a lifetime of conditioning to please others, may not understand that her feelings and desires matter. A person coerced to perform sexual favors at work, may not be able say no, without her job being threatened. There are countless situations where people feel they can not say no, and therefore, they do not have physical autonomy.
Power over exploration is an important part of a sexual life. Being able to challenge childhood teachings, broaden sexual pleasure options, and investigate ideas and experiences in a safe, non-judgmental space is a way to build power in your sexual life. Having a partner who is willing to explore with you, can give you both referent power. Referent power is used to make connections with others. When we are driven to fulfill people rather than disappoint them, we tap into referent power. This power stems from kindness, love, respect, attraction, tenderness, devotion, loyalty, and attachment.
When a person is allowed to control her own body, she has equal rights with others in society. Teaching all of our children that no one is allowed to touch their bodies without permission, would make is easier for assault victims to admit the assault to themselves and others. Often assaults feel muddied in the eyes and hearts of those who do not clearly understand bodily autonomy. This clarity could lead to greater justice, putting the responsibility of an assault squarely on the shoulders of the perpetrator rather than making the assault the responsibility of the victim, as currently exists in rape culture.