Self-Pleasure
One can’t learn to play in a band until they have learned to play their own instrument. The same goes for sex. Knowing how one’s own body works is imperative to good sex -- partricularly for women due to the infinite amount of misinformation out there on how our sexual response systems work. The woman’s clitoris has a singular purpose and that’s pleasure. Yes, biology gave us a clitoris so we can have fun playing with others and ourselves. Thanks Universe!
Know Your Body
Everyone’s bodies are different and no two sets of genitals look the same. The scope of female vaginal and vulva obsession and artistic inspiration in multiple mediums and cultures has spanned millennia, providing historians and antiquarians fodder to pontificate on pagan mother goddess worship worldwide.
Vaginas on mainstream porn are doctored, so never believe that your lady bits are somehow wrong; know that every vagina has a bit of character. Consult a doctor if you are having pain or experiencing symptoms that are not normal for you.
Okay, time to pull out a mirror. Spend some time looking at your own vulva. There is no shame in seeing your body. It is your body, afterall. Send yourself some love down there and practice appreciating your own uniqueness. In your mirror, try different angles and positions. If you are feeling extra explorative, ask your partner to hold the mirror and admire you too. Encourage your partner to “Praise The Pussy” Praising the pussy means your partner respectfully compliments your beauty, is raptured by your smell, and takes the role of an admirer. This works well both ways too. Make sure you’re getting down and praising your partner’s anatomy, as well.
Now still using your mirror, watch yourself play with yourself. Switch up between fingers and a vibrator and watch how your anatomy works. Vaginas bloom when they are aroused, not nearly as dramatic as a penis erection, but a vagina that has bloomed is a good indicator of being ready for penetration. This is a good experience for your partner to participate in as well because the more they know about how your anatomy works, the more equipped they are to honor your needs. Holding the mirror in certain angles so you can experience the view from your partner’s perspective is something to play around with as well.
Education, education, education!
Not having an orgasm during intercourse, is extremely common for women. The simple truth is that penetration is not the best way for women to orgasm. This truth can be hard to accept because that's not what we see on our silver screens. (Note: Vibrators absolutely make it easier to orgasm during intercourse!) Rest assured there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. The pattern of trying so hard to orgasm during penetration, or being so frustrated when you don’t orgasm during penetration can rest here. There are numerous resources out there that can help you become the orgasmic goddess that you are. Pick up the book ‘Women’s Anatomy of Arousal’. This book is written by an educated woman who brings culture, science, energy, practical and fun knowledge about the women’s arousal system into a highly educational read on how to get that sexual energy conducting. This book also encourages self-pleasure exploration so that you have more control in your sexual experiences. The next resource is OMGyes. OMGyes offers video education on the science of women’s pleasure. OMGyes was made in part by Indiana University Researches. The videos interview women about what works and doesn’t work for them in the way of pleasure.
Nervous about or new to masturbating? You may find it easier if you call what you are doing something else. The word has a heavy and typically negative connotation in modern day, especially in religious institutions. Actually, the Latin root meaning of masterbate actually has a pretty negative meaning. In the old days, the word masterbate was used to describe various situations. For example, the word masturbate was used like we use the words defile, destroy, violence, snare, labor, etc.
Personally, I prefer phrases and words like “playing with myself”, “self-pleasuring”, “me-time”, “self-care time,” etc. You may discover that using different verbiage helps you feel more relaxed enough to enjoy yourself. In your self-care tool kit be sure to have non-toxic lubricant, a variety of vibrators, candles, a certain playlist, and anything else that makes you-time amazing. Whether you find yourself in a sexual rut or not, switching up your own sexual patterns through enhanced, varied self-pleasure is always a worthy endeavor.