Love & Marriage
Sex has always been the basis of relationships. Even though we love our partner, generally speaking of course, relationships can be very difficult to maintain due to a slew of environmental impacts such as culture, work-life, the internet, biases, values, personal growth or not having appropriate communication or coping skills. Interestingly, even though there are so many things that make relationships difficult, divorce rates are actually decreasing! Divorce rates were at their highest ever during the Vietnam War and in the late 60’s and 70’s. More recently though, divorce rates have dropped and are still decreasing. In fact, Hive Law indicates that divorce rates have dropped by 35% since 2000.
The rise of feminism
Does sex and divorce statistics have anything in common? It’s hard to say. There are a couple fascinating correlations between divorce and cultural norms surrounding sex, however. The 60’s was when the feminist movement really began to rise. Surprisingly, vibrators have been around since the 1860’s, but they quickly earned a bad rap after making their way into porn magazines. By the time the 70s rolled around (perhaps we owe thanks to the bra-burners) vibrators made a powerful comeback. We have come a long way since then. In the 20th century, there is less taboo about sexual pleasure and more understanding on how to find orgasmic equality. Now, women can buy a vibrator without any trouble or raised eyebrows. Just to be clear, vibrators probably are not what stops a couple from getting divorced, the point is that women today have more control over their sexual pleasure. Couples have more knowledge on how to discuss sexual equality and pleasure.
Marriage rates today
Even though divorce rates are declining, something that most people don’t think about when looking at the data is that less and less people are getting married. In fact, the number of people getting married is at an all time low in the US since the year 1990. According to the CDC, only 6.5 people out of 1000 are getting married in the US. Does this mean that sex and relationships are declining too? Perhaps on the contrary. What if the definition of sex and relationships has been evolving? Millennials are far less religious than their parents and their grandparents. Without religion as a motivator, most young people are not getting married or are waiting longer to get married. There are countless ways to find a sexual partner and sexual satisfaction. You have the internet, sex toys, virtual technology, and online dating. It’s no big news that finding an online sexual experience is more available than anytime in history. Why get married to have sex, when you can just have sex? The question also arises, if young adults are waiting to get married, are they making more informed choices? Have they matured more and had enough life experiences that a successful marriage becomes tangible?
For the romantic
Divorce rates and lower marriage rates may sound depressing to the romantic. So let's shift views. In the modern world, we work and travel a lot, which means that couples are spending a good chunk of time apart. With emerging technologies, there are now ways which couples can stay intimate with each other when far apart. There are numerous couple sex toys that work over Bluetooth and WiFi that allow couples to play even when they are away. Sexting was one of the first ways this was popular, but now the possibilities are endless. Imagine being miles away from your partner and being able to control their pleasure and your pleasure all from an app on your phone. Sounds fun, right? Aside from the sex toys, modern society has more access to sex therapy, couple therapy, and more tools that help couples thrive. We have more access to more resources that teach effective communication and coping skills for daily life and for difficult times. We also have more knowledge about the female pleasure and response system and can make more choices about how we express our own sexuality.
To me, the future is hopeful. We celebrate all forms of love, the variances in relationships, and we still salute the couple that has been married for decades. Our mindset towards marriage has been grim, but times are changing. Divorce rates are lowering, sexual pleasure is increasing, and people are discovering more ways to have a healthy and happy relationship that works for them, married or not.