How to Gain Confidence in The Bedroom
What is confidence? Let’s define confidence in the bedroom as the ability to know how to use your own internal resources to achieve your desired outcome -- whether that is more frequent orgasms, more open conversations with your partner, or being more present during sex. Confidence gives you the power to find joy in sex! This article focuses on a few things you can do to increase your confidence right away.
Self-Pleasure
The first step to grow your confidence is self-pleasure. As many sex experts say, “You have to learn to play your own instrument before you can play in a band.” There is nothing ungodly about self-pleasure. The woman’s clitoris, responsible for genital orgasm, only has one function: and that is pleasure. Unfortunately, women in Utah are taught that masturbation is a sin. Give yourself permission to break free from this way of thinking. You are the owner of your body and no one has the right to restrict how you use it. If self-pleasure is new to you, just relax, try turning on music, light a candle, and be sure to breathe! There are also many amazing vibrators out there, like this one, that will get the job done.
Open and Honest Communication
Utah women are taught that the most important qualities to embody are to be meek, obedient, and humble. Women are also taught that men are the head of household and that men have the final say because they “hold the priesthood.” I cannot tell you how many times I heard this growing up. Understandably, these principles can make speaking up for what you want very difficult, especially when it comes to sex. Women, speak up for what you want to have happen in the bedroom. If you want more foreplay, say so. If you don’t like being touched in a certain way or in a certain place, say so. If you want to try something new, say so. Also, be willing to learn more about what your partner enjoys, doesn’t enjoy, or new things they might want to try. There is nothing more empowering than being a co-navigator in the bedroom! The best tip I can give you is to talk about the changes you want to make well before you are naked and in-bed with your partner, for romance’s sake. Having these conversations builds trust with your partner, increases intimacy, and enhances pleasure.
Sexual Clarity
Understanding what sex is really about can make all the difference for your confidence. Everyone is bombarded with images, ideas, and concepts of what sex is. Think about who is conveying these messages; do the conveyors have the right to say what sex is really about? Sex isn’t only for making babies. Sex isn’t about being as sexy as possible. Though being your healthiest self is important. Sex can also be about tenderness. Tenderness is the awareness of what your partner is feeling, the knowledge of how to heighten your partner’s pleasure- whether that is gently, roughly, forcefully, slowly, or quickly; which is only done between that magical space between the two of you. Tenderness is the graceful touch, the thoughtful words, the forgiving smile, and waking up next to each other.
Utah women are bombarded with messages of what sex is, how we should have sex, and what we need to look like in order to have amazing sex. It is time to let all of these mainstream messages go! Confidence -- and really good sex -- comes from being relaxed, being knowledgable of ones self, and the willingness to talk about sex with your partner so that you can co-navigate sexual pleasure.
