Dear Martha: no more nesting

by MARTHA

Dear Martha,

I am married, raised five great kids, and kept a great house, all while working part time. My youngest child just left home, leaving me and my husband in a big home. I am ready to downsize. I want a smaller home to maintain. When we downsize, I want to take all the boxes of holiday decorations and donate them. A little nod to the current holiday on my kitchen counter feels like enough for me. I don’t want to go all-out any more. I did that for my kids when they were home, but that season has passed. I want to be able to spend time doing what I want, not what other people want me to do.

As a family we gather 5-6 times a year. But, it is only at my home half of those times.

My husband doesn’t want things to change. He wants to stay in this home. He wants the big, over-the-top holidays, even if the kids don’t join us. He wants the baked treats and the rooms full of décor. But, he expects me to do it.

I love my husband and I love my kids. But, am I really signed up to do this forever?

I want my nesting days to be behind me.

Help!

No More Nesting

Dear No More Nesting,

LOL. “Am I really signed up to do this forever?” Yes? I mean…you literally signed up for it.

BUT, you don’t have to go all out. You have answered your own question. Tell your husband you don’t want to do all that work yourself. Tell him that the decorations don’t mean the same thing to you. Meet in the middle. Ask for his help. If he doesn’t want to help, then he doesn’t get the all-out holiday experience he wants.

By all means, downsize. By all means, throw out some stuff. But, don’t forget that you built a home, and traditions, and holidays that your husband and kids cherish. That’s nothing to scoff at. There is nothing to resent.

Transitions are always hard, even when you want them and need them. Go easy on your husband. He loves the life you built. He doesn’t want things to change. You do. That’s ok. Talk about it. Compromise. Work it out. Ask for help. Find a way to celebrate in a way that works for you both. AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Yours respectfully,

Martha

If you have a question you’d like Martha to answer, please email it to DearMartha@theUtahBee.com. To read past advice from Martha go here.