Dear Martha: politically at odds

by MARTHA

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Dear Martha,

This current political world is difficult for me. I have always voted, even in off-year elections, primaries, heck I never even miss my HOA annual election. I was raised to believe voting is very important and I plan to teach my children this concept as they get older. But here is my issue. I really don’t like people who voted wrong in the last presidential election. I’ve stopped talking with old friends, family members, and neighbors when I find out how they voted. I’ve never felt this way before. I’m not fighting with anyone. I’m a good person. But I think the hate in the hearts of so many people in this country is going to be our demise.

Is my reaction right? Shouldn’t I remove hate from my life? The problem is, I miss some of the people I no longer speak with.

I’m not sure what to do.

Please help,

Taking a Stand for Kindness

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Dear Taking a Stand for Kindness,

You’re not going to like my answer to this: I don’t know. Now before you go calling the advice police on me, HEAR ME OUT.

We are living in an unprecedented time. There has been so much political upheaval that even the players change from day to day. It’s difficult both practically and emotionally to keep up. Furthermore, the gap between left and right is bigger than ever. Some would argue the solution is to meet in the middle, but to be honest, I don’t even know where that is anymore.

I think lots of people can relate to your question. I know I can. I’ve unfollowed my fair share of friends on Facebook. Is this the right approach? I’m not sure. But to unfriend someone, I had to feel like our core values were so vastly different that we were never going to see eye to eye.

Ultimately, I think the correct answer to your question is actually it depends. Make your decisions on a case-by-case basis. Sure, be generous, but recognize when your values won’t budge. Be open to changing your mind. Be open to different points of view. Be open to a dialogue. But you are not obligated to ignore your core values for anyone or anything, nor should you. This takes a good amount of self-awareness. Keep tabs on what statements you find triggering, when you get defensive, when your ego puffs up before your brain can step in, and take a couple of breaths before reacting. If everyone in the country could open their minds and take a couple of breaths before reacting, maybe we could achieve a productive dialogue, and that middle ground I can’t seem to find would become a rich, well-populated place.

Yours respectfully,

Martha

If you have a question you’d like Martha to answer, please email it to DearMartha@theUtahBee.com. To read past advice from Martha go here.

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